I'm not sure what bothers me most - you being gone or the impregnated pauses;
The lulls in conversation and
That awkward gap in the shape of "iloveyou".
It's all replaced with haha's and hehe's
And it's all just starting to bother me.... a lot.
But that's not something I can tell you because
That's a topic we shy away from now.
I can't tell you that I've noticed that your smiley faces have changed
Or that I wake up in the middle of the night with my tongue forming the sounds that equal your name...
And I definitely can't tell you that tears come before sleep almost every night
Simply because my pillows don't feel like you and JayCub's "I love you" x2 just doesn't suffice.
But it's not just you, no, it's everyone else as well,
I can't tell you, or ANYONE, that I'm suffering through my own personal hell -
Nope, I have to go on laughing and joking and pretending that I'm okay
And I can't even tell YOU, my confidant, my best friend, my love, that I'm losing this battle every single fucking day.
And it's all because I don't want to mess up YOUR happiness.