Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Is THIS love?

When the world is falling down around me
There you are
And when I have nothing else,
I still have you.
Even when I push you away
With cruel words and dagger-like actions,
You come back for more.


And I can try to destroy you, ruin you,
But you persevere
I just don't understand the way you feel.
Honestly, I don't think I ever will.

Monday, May 7, 2012

You're a part of everyone, but I'm not your someone.

I make mistakes
And I keep making them;
I know what I'm doing
But you sure don't.
I keep going back for more
For something I'm not getting here.
I don't know what it is,
Though I wish I did
So I could ask for it from you
Instead of from him.

And he gives it
(whatever it is)
And he gives it good
(whatever it is)
Oh I know what this is
And it's not good.
But I'm so good at doing
The wrong things.

You're so wrong.

Friday, April 6, 2012

Thursday, April 5, 2012

New Guy (I have a date...)

You're becoming my favorite colors
And my favorite cups of coffee
The vanilla and the extra cream
The lucky cigarette.
You're the parts in the movies
Where the guy gets the girl
Or vice versa
(in this case).
But is two months long enough?
I can't lie and say the dreams are all gone
Or that I don't think about him,
I'm not doing it on purpose.


Your voice, though,
And your mouth;
Your eyes...
It's almost worth it,
To pretend.

Saturday, March 31, 2012

The Clubs and the Lights and the Alcohol (I forgot you)

When you have nothing to say
Just make shit up
And if there's nothing nice
Then just shut up
(and kiss me)
Meaning doesn't exist
When the lights go off
And it's so easy to lie
As long as you don't get caught up

Realization.

I've realized
That as long as there's a you
And a me
In this world
There are going to be people asking
Why we're not together.
I'm okay with this, finally,
Because now I know the answer.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

My Life.

I'm encumbered by bills And negative balances Behind on everything. Struggling at work, Struggling to sleep, Forgetting to eat. I'm missing home And school And my friends, Family too. Stress, Stress, Stress And some more. But I'm fine. Honestly, I almost love it.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Because I love myself more than I ever could anyone else.

I can't tell you when
But at some point
The songs lose their meanings,
The dreams cease to come,
The life you lead becomes the life you leave
And the sun, it shines once more.
You just have to be patient,
Trust me, it pays
Because eventually the rain becomes brighter days
Like today.
And he becomes something old
And there's something new on the way.
You just have to be patient,
Trust me, it pays.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Bills paid, I'm broke, let's write.

I don't miss you
And we're just human,
Not children but we are kids.
We clashed, badly,
Our personalities don't match
And we're too different.
I get all that now.
Not together, not now, not never again
And I finally see why space is important here:
Boundaries have to be established
So it's not the warzone it feels like.

And I can finally give you what you want,
Because it's actually what I need.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

It happens in dark rooms
And kitchens
In break rooms and walk-ups
On front porches by front doors
And at work.
It occurs on Mondays, sometimes Thursdays
(when you least expect it),
It comes, without warning, on weekends
Before birthdays.
It stops for nothing,
Not time or distance
Or space or breakups.
It happens, and you don't get to choose
With who.


And that's what's beautiful about it.





                                                                                                                                    <3

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

It goes on.

And in this next heartbeat, I'll forget your skin
And the way it felt to wake up next to you.
I'll let go of being yours, and of the anger
Of being led to believe lies.
Two seconds from now, I won't remember:
Laundry Saturdays
Popeyes
Video Games
Watching movies in bed
(not even our first time).
The CD in my car may not change itself,
And I may wake up tomorrow feeling sad,
But I CAN erase you
And your eyes, your smile...
I can lock myself back up, throw you out;
I could put a million walls and doors and
Miles of space
B e t w e e n U s .

And it would help, yes.
But it's still not what I want.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

We'll get past this.

So I'm going back through my life,
In dreams and in conciousness,
Trying to relive nightmares
And find the point where everything changed
To try and remind myself of who I was;
Who I plan to be again.

When I drink, I'm her.
When I'm home, I'm her.
With Jason, and Jayla, I'm her.
But here, in the cold cold night,
On a lonely street in Hattiesburg
Trying to tell myself that this feeling
Won't be forever,
I'm struggling to express myself fully
Because I'm scared...but of what?


Vulnerability.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Old.

I used to live for the nights,
Getting tangled up in the stars
On cold beaches
And swimming in underwear with the boys
I called my best friends.
Now I chase the sunrise,
Strive for the moments between sunsets
Because those hours gave me you.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

How to detect loneliness:

Another new home, again
But I won't cry this time
Despite the aching loneliness
That comes from, well... being alone.
And my heart might be breaking with each breath
From things I can't rightfully blame on myself,
But I won't hide from chance,
Pomp, surprise, or circumstance.
I'm turning houses into temporary homes
(It's what I'm good at)
Even when I have to do it on my own.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Today.

Today, someone cried a waterfall
And they thought it would never end.

Today someone died,
They left behind friends, family, loved ones.
People are mourning.

Today people fought and believed they'd never make up.

Today a couple made love for the first time
When before then they hadn't believed in such things.

Today a faithless man found God after someone else lost their faith in Him,
And you can't tell which is which from appearances.

Today someone yelled and screamed at the person they hold the most dear
And that person took it because they know things get better in time.

Today people got married, people got divorced, and couples formed and disbanded,
And some of them learned that happiness isn't contingent on other people.

Today people made choices, some good and some bad.
They have to live with the consequences for a lifetime.

Today people committed crimes, and others performed selfless deeds,
And some, did both.

Today a daughter and father talked for the first time in years,
And they realized they still had nothing in common.

Today someone climbed a mountain,
Today someone realized their dreams were closer than they seemed.

Today someone got into a car accident
And someone caused that accident
And others had to deal with the aftermath.

Today people were prosecuted,
Some were found guilty, others innocent,
And there's a chance the jury made a mistake.

Today someone kissed the lips of the boy
That the other girl loves
And the boy that loves her watched
The destruction of the most beautiful thing
He'd ever seen.

And me?
Today I stood still and did nothing.

Today I learned Silence's secrets
And earned Shadow's favor;
Though, Lady Luck still won't answer.

But at least I'm not "someone", today.